Letters to my Unborn Baby

This is a series of letters that I wrote to our second child. I did this in hopes to capture every moment of the pregnancy whether serious, silly, or otherwise.

September 15, 2013
Dear Baby,
Mommy and Daddy have been trying REALLY hard to make you happen: buying tests and special creams and charting every little twinge. Mommy is a nurse and is studying everything she can scientifically to make you happen. Mommy and Daddy have been going at this since June. Mommy especially would love it if God formed you this month since it is the same month your brother, which she lost, was formed in 2011. Not that you wold replace him. Each of you is different and special and we will all be together one day in Heaven. Recently God has convicted Mommy that He is the ONLY ONE who can create life or take it. Mommy has always been a doer especially if it is something she REALLY wants; and she wants you MORE THAN ANYTHING. Today is the 15th and she was supposed to start her cycle on the 9th but it did not come! Mommy's trying not to get her hopes up, but she wants you so badly it's hard not to be hopeful. She still doesn't know what caused the loss of your brother 2 years ago. Every time she feels a cramp or little twinge she prays that if you're in there that God will protect you. Being that she is having cramps on and off throughout the day, you are being prayed for A LOT. Mommy and Daddy already love you so much! We want you to be strong, healthy, and a follower of Christ who lives out His purpose for your life. As much as Mommy and Daddy love you and would do anything to protect you we understand that only God can truly care for you and have the right plan for you. He loves you more than Mommy and Daddy do. Mommy's going to keep this little journal so she can remember all the events surrounding your conception, growth, and birth. I love you precious one.
Love, Mommy

September 19, 2013
Dear Little One,
Well this morning Mommy took a test and it was POSITIVE!!! She took it but couldn't look because she has been disappointed so many times before, so Daddy looked at it but couldn't figure out what it meant. The tests Mommy has done before were all pink and this one was blue, so Daddy wasn't quite sure. He came into the room and hugged your Mommy so tight! Mommy said, "What?" He said, "What do you think?" (He had the biggest grin on his face the whole time.) Mommy is in shock. It's hard to believe after being disappointed so many times before. Lots of tears were cried this morning; all happy ones. Daddy was so excited he didn't want to go to work. We'll tell Grandmom and Grandad, as well as Mamaw and Papaw tonight. I will write more later. I am still in disbelief, though somehow my heart knew it all along.
Love, Mommy

September 22, 2013
Dear Tiny One,
According to my calculations of how far along I am, you are the size of a pea and are just developing your most important structures. Your eyes and ears are starting to form; you're busily growing your heart and lungs; and your brain and spinal cord are pretty much complete. Mommy's trying to remember to take her vitamins so that you will be given the nutrition you need. Mommy hasn't had trouble with nausea yet: a little wave here and there or the feeling of getting full quickly. Right now you are making Mommy crave red onions, tomato soup, and choc chip ice cream (not all at once). Grandmom and Grandad are very excited you're coming. We found out you were coming two years to the day after your great-grandpap passed away. Grandad was very sad because of this and Mommy was very happy to cheer him up with the news! Mamaw and Papaw are excited for you too. Mamaw says she's going to have to wait a LONG time until she can see you and wishes it wouldn't take so
long. All of your aunts and uncles know as well. Your Aunt Julie is working on growing your cousin
right now so we'll have pictures done together when we're all together at Christmas. By then we should know whether you're a boy or a girl. We're not sharing our news with anyone else yet because Mommy hasn't even been to the doctor yet, not until the 16th. Mommy will have an ultrasound that day so we'll get to see you our very first appointment! After that is when we will tell your great-grandparents and the rest of the world. Your sissy Penny senses that you're in there. She has been snuggling Mommy a lot lately. Daddy and I prayed for you last night and plan to continue. We love you!!
Love, Mommy

October 11, 2013
Dear Baby Love,
Today has been by scary. Mommy has been spotting and bleeding since last night. I must admit I haven't written much to you in the past week because I have been very busy with work. I haven't had time to stop and think or enjoy the fact that you're in there. Mommy doesn't mind the pain she just wants to make sure you're ok. Daddy has been very sweet and took Mommy to the hospital today to make sure that you were ok. The doctor did an ultrasound and it looks like you're 5 weeks big! All the tests match and everything looks normal for 5 weeks, so they told me to come home and rest. Rest...physical rest is the easy part but emotional/spiritual rest has not come easy. Every time I use the bathroom and see more and more blood I become more concerned and scared. God created you; only He can create life, and only He can sustain it. I just have to trust Him. I love you so much! We caught one little glimpse of you on the ultrasound today at the hospital. Right now you are only a tiny ball and there is nothing distinguishable, but we know you're in there and that's all that matters. I just have to pray and trust God to take care of you regardless of the pain and bleeding.
I love you so much dear one.
Love, Mommy


October 12, 2013
Dear Little One,
By now you are in heaven with Jesus and with your brother. Somehow I knew you were already gone before the news was confirmed to us. We went to the hospital again yesterday because Mommy had some tissue come out and she knew something was very wrong. Daddy was so sweet and caring towards Mommy. Mommy ended up in a lot of pain but Daddy made sure she was taken care of and watched over her very closely. I wish so badly that it had turned out differently. Grandmom is flying up here to take care of Mommy this week. Many friends are praying for us. I'm so thankful I have your Daddy. I love him so much, and all of this only makes me love him more. I wish I knew why God kept you and your brother from us here on earth but I'm thankful He promises us we'll all be together in Heaven someday, FOREVER. I don't know why God took you and your brother from me but I just read in Psalm 30:2,11 "O Lord God I cried unto Thee and thou hast healed me. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing. Thou has put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness." I'm claiming those verses that they are God's promise to me that He will heal my broken heart, heal my broken body (whatever it is that is keeping me from carrying a child to full term), and someday He will bless me with healthy babies. Then my mourning and grief will be turned into joy and dancing. I love you and your brother so much. I can't wait to hold you and kiss your sweet cheeks someday.
Love, Mommy