Things I have learned TTC

Here is a list of things that I have learned while on this 'TTC' journey. Things that I wish I had known when we started.

1. TTC and actually being pregnant are not the same thing. No brainer right? When we started trying I dove into things with both feet. I was naive enough to think that as soon as I stopped birth control we would get pregnant. After all tons of teenage girls only "do it" once and they get pregnant, right? Surely as a young married couple we have this thing in the bag the first month. Wrong. I wish I had exposed myself more to the subject of infertility prior to starting so that I could understand how prevalent it is.

2. On that note, I wish that I had taken a couple of months to really learn my cycle by charting before anticipating getting pregnant. I would have saved myself some of the heartache had I done that. And the only way to do that is...

3. Research! This is something I did do. The best book I would recommend to women who are TTC is Taking Charge of Your Fertility  by Toni Weschler. Excellent book that takes you through how to chart etc. Researching gets tricky however because it fueled a fire within me and I became 'the crazy baby lady'.

4. I began to drive my husband nuts with all things baby which I now regret. This is supposed to be a time of togetherness (gonna need lots of that for actual conception), and working toward the mutual goal of having a baby. Sometimes as women though I think this 'monster' is created as we TTC and are surrounded by tons of friends in the same stage of life as us who are popping up pregnant all over the place! It just has to happen this month! How many times my sweet husband has ridden that emotional roller coaster with me month after month. He is a saint. For more on this topic you can read a previous post I wrote here http://journeyingsidebyside.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-trap.html.

5. Looking back I now wish I had gone to my gyno prior to TTC. Of course I had the yearly check ups but I went off BC without checking in. Part of that is due to the fact that when we moved to VA I did not know who the good doctors in town were. I picked one and hated his bedside manner. Mix with that the fact that the time I did go to see him I was in a deep depression from the first miscarriage, and that became the focus of the appointment. Needless to say I didn't want to go back there. So I did my research and when I did get pregnant I chose a different office. Naturally most doctors' offices don't schedule prenatal appointments until you are 10 weeks along. Had I seen someone and been an established patient could things have gone differently? Maybe, maybe not. The way it actually turned out was that the appointment that should have been my first 10 week prenatal check-up became a follow-up from my miscarriage. Go figure.

6. The biggest thing I wish I knew when starting out on this whole crazy journey is that everyone's journey is different. Some couples do get pregnant the first month they try; some it takes years and many physical challenges. God is the only one able to give life. Just because I ate this thing, or didn't eat that thing, or prayed this prayer, or said that thing, does not make me pregnant. I have heard and read so many stories of other peoples' journeys that I started to become almost superstitious. I would take away the wrong lessons from their stories, for example 'oh the wife prayed this' so that's what I would pray. Or 'they did that' and magically they were pregnant the next month so I'd do that too and it wouldn't work. I had to give up control over the situation.

I wish I could go back in time and share these things with my former self. It would have saved me some heartache; not all, but some.