"Morning by morning"

We all have things that we never thought we would do. One of my things is writing this blog. I always hated English especially in high school (you grammar nazi's can probably tell by my style of writing and my many mistakes). However, I write this blog because of a verse that I was reminded of in church today: "[God] Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." 2 Corinthians 1:4 I write this blog hoping that something that the Lord leads me to write will comfort one of you my readers. Or perhaps just knowing that you aren't going through these same struggles alone will comfort you. I certainly have found comfort in hearing the stories of others who are struggling with the same things that I am. 

Speaking of church this morning, another thing I didn't think I would ever do is have a breakdown right in the middle of hundreds of people. I HATE to cry in public. I am nosy by nature so when I see others crying in public I automatically want to know why. I do not like the idea of everyone around me staring at me and wondering why in the world I'm crying. Maybe it's a pride thing, I don't know.

The sermon series Pastor Jonathan has being doing is based on a book that his late father Jerry Falwell Sr. wrote with the collaboration of Dr. Harold Wilmington, called 'When It Hurts Too Much To Cry.' When he first announced the sermon series I was on it like white on rice. The church was even offering free copies of the book and I got one right away. Reading the book itself has helped me a great deal and the sermons have been good but mostly a light review of what I already had read. 

Today during the service there was a couple with a teeny baby sitting two rows up from us and I had a clear view of everything as we were sitting in the balcony and the rows stair step down. The mother was feeding him from a bottle off and on, throughout the service alternating with mini burping sessions. He had some wild crazy cute hair and BIG wide eyes. What really got my attention was when she was feeding him from the bottle he would wrap his teeny little hands around her fingers that were gripping the bottle and he would stroke them. It was as if he was lovingly stroking her hand as one would when reassuring someone. It was one of the sweetest things I think I have ever seen. 

Follow that up with Pastor Jonathan stating at the end of his sermon, "Maybe today you would say I've tried everything I know to do to fix the situation, and over and over I am met with disappointment and the tears just keep coming, no matter what I try; and maybe today it's time to just say 'God I'm done' and give it all to Him." That statement pretty much sums up how I felt after this last month being disappointed once again after renewed hope from starting a new medication. 

We then sang Great is Thy Faithfulness as a closing hymn and one particular line stunned me as I considered it. 

                                         'All I have needed Thy hand hath provided' 

Notice the past tense in that line? (That's my English genius coming out right there.) 

It stung me as it sank in that God provides everything I need when I need it. I had just been staring at that young baby and his mother thinking in my head "God I am so ready. Why can't that be us." Then He reminded me through that old hymn I have probably sung a thousand times before. If I had needed a child by now, He would have provided a child by now. I had to stop singing because of the lump in my throat. I started pinching myself to try to hold it together, but I just couldn't do it. My sweet husband  and a sweet friend we were sitting with hugged me and reassured me after the service was over. 

The line in that song stung but there is comfort in that song as well. 

                                        'Morning by morning new mercies I seek'

Ready for some more English genius? In that song and in 2 Corinthians as well it says 'mercies'...plural. His mercies for us are such vast amounts that we cannot even comprehend them, and they are delivered fresh and new every day for whatever we are facing that day. 

                                                 'Great is Thy Faithfulness Lord Unto ME'

To get your own copy of 'When It Hurts Too Much To Cry' you can download it from iBooks, Amazon.com, or on a Kindle. 

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