I've recently discovered that I am riding a crazy cycle, one that I plan to break now that I have realized it. After all they do say the first step to fixing your problems is acknowledging that you actually have a problem right?
I got my work schedule changed shortly after I found out that I was pregnant in order to allow more time at home to rest and prepare during pregnancy but to also give me days at home to raise said child, myself. So I changed from working every day 8-5 and being on call several evenings a week to working 2-3, 12 hr shifts each week. So I always have 2 days at home each week and every other week I get a 4 day weekend. I am blessed!
The days I'm at home are usually spent catching up on laundry and cleaning that I used to do every evening after work. I also have these grand plans of Bible study and reading for personal development. The whole day is mine to work things how I see fit to get everything on my to-do list done. I pictured afternoons being spent reading and studying with a cup of hot tea and two dogs on my lap.
And to my shame it hasn't happened...
Almost as soon as I get up I turn some sort of media on. Music, Cd's, TV: anything to drown out the silence.
You see I thought this time in my life would be consumed with diapers, pacifiers, nap times, etc. because our first child would be 21 months old right now. I would also be busily preparing for baby #2 and attending doctors appointments every one or two weeks. Silence would be something that I wished for. A moment of peace and quiet is hard for a momma with small children to come by.
Instead I'm swallowed in a tomb of silence.
One show or CD turns into another, I busy myself cleaning, cooking, etc until I realize the day is almost over and I haven't sat down. I admit I'm a Martha not a Mary.
The very thing I am doing to fill the silence is pulling me away from one of God's purposes for me during this season of my life.
Be Still and Know...
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