Promises

This is my last blog post on this blog. I have taken a 9 month hiatus because for the last 9 months I have been pregnant with our 3rd child, but 1st to be born on this earth. I no longer feel it is appropriate to continue this blog related to infertility issues when I now have a living child. His birth does not minimize the loss of our other two by any means and I very much look forward to meeting them in heaven one day. 

I just want to leave you with a few thoughts before I sign off...

For those of you waiting for your miracle whether through giving birth, adoption, or some other means; I want to encourage you to keep believing. 

                                                         God keeps His promises. 

Following our second miscarriage God gave my husband and I separate confirmation that He would one day give us living children, we just did not know when. The day after I miscarried God gave me a verse Psalm 30:11, "Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness." That confirmed to me that in His timing God would give us a child to hold on this earth and heal this emptiness in my heart. Eight weeks before my due date I heard a song at church that reminded of the verse God had given me. 

                           

                            Praise Him when your heart is breaking,

                            When your strength is almost gone lift up your song and, 

                            Praise Him in the fire and fury,

                            In the dark night of your soul,

                            Your God is in control

                

                           Your tears will dry,

                               Your heart will mend,

                               Your scars will heal and you will dance again

~Dance Again by LIFE worship 

I struggled with blaming God after my second miscarriage and if you are in that position today I want to share something with you that I recently read that changed my perspective. God is in control yes, and allows tests, trials, and hardships in our lives for a purpose. However the "bad" things that happen to us are a result of attacks by satan. 

"Satan was known as the Son of the Morning. It infers a glory, a brightness or radiance unique to him...Perfect in beauty. That is the key. Lucifer was gorgeous. He was breathtaking. And it was his ruin. Pride entered Lucifer's heart...He wanted the attention, the adoration for himself...Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys the natural world wherever he can...But most especially he hates Eve. Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. She is the incarnation of the Beauty of God...And there is more. The Evil One also hates Eve because she gives life. Women give birth, not men. Women nourish life. And they also bring life into the world soulfully, relationally, spiritually---in everything they touch. Satan was a murderer from the beginning. He brings death... Ritual sacrifices, genocide, the Holocaust, abortion---those are his ideas. And thus Eve is his greatest human threat, for she brings life. Put those two together---that Eve incarnates the Beauty of God and she gives life to the world...He assaults her with a special hatred." 

~Captivating p. 84-86 by John and Stasi Eldredge

But this is not the end of the story...Through Christ's finished work on the cross we have been redeemed and Satan's power has no hold over us. Christ can redeem these wounds for you as He has for me. Christ overcame death and is the giver of life. He is the resurrection and the LIFE. He came to give us life and life abundantly. He wants you to live a life of victory in all areas of your life including the area of motherhood. That may look different for different people through fertility treatments, foster care, adoption, etc. But if God has given you the desire to be a mother He will fulfill that desire in some way. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 He keeps His promises. It may not happen today, it may not happen tomorrow, it may not happen in the way you think it will, but He keeps His promises. 

On July 2, 2015 Jackson Carter Moore was born.

God has blessed us with this beautiful little boy after two miscarriages and almost three years of waiting. Losing our first two children was the hardest thing I've ever gone through but I can't even begin to list or describe the ways I saw God use that time as a time of growth and blessing in my life. God's timing is perfect and looking back I can see it now. 

                                         Take heart dear ones. God keeps His promises.

                               

October Miscarriage and Baby Loss Awareness a Month

It's October 5th and October is Miscarriage and Infant Loss awareness month. 1 in 4 pregnancies do not make it to term. A shocking statistic that most are not aware of.

If someone you know has been through this kind of loss please remember them and pray for them this month. In a world full of abortions and "women's choice" please remember that these babies were wanted and the loss of them was not by the choice of their parents. 

For those of you who have been through this kind of loss, do you do something special the month of October to remember your child/children? 

I recently got some new charms for my necklace. They are baby booties with a blue stone for our baby boy and a pink stone for our little girl. I attached pearls which would have been their birthstones. They both would have been born in June, two years apart. 

We also have a small space in our home with a shelf that holds little mementos to remember their short lives. 

I would love for you to comment and share with me the special ways you choose to remember. 

Infertility and the Church

Prayer groups, lists, meetings...All filled with requests of people suffering physically from illness, cancer, or other physical limitations. 

                    So why not infertility? 

We pray for loved ones to be healed of illnesses when Drs have given them a life limiting prognosis, knowing full well that the Great Physican and all Powerful Healer can perform this work despite what man and science have to say. So why not pray for the couple given the diagnosis of infertility? The ones broken by this 'physical limitation'? God has just as much power to give a childless couple children as He does to cure cancer. After all did He not prove it over and over in the Bible? Elizabeth, Hannah, Sarah. 

We fill our prayer lists with life or death situations...Why not this one? 

             After all it is a situation of LIFE.

Maybe it's because no one really knows the couple deals with this issue. In a sea of "be fruitful and multiplies" they feel ashamed. Perhaps believing that God is punishing them for some sin. (I don't personally believe this, I believe that Jesus took the final punishment for our sins on the cross and everything is under the blood, though sometimes The Lord allows us to endure the consequences of our actions. However I know that some folks from the college I attended believe the doctrine of "it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but watch out because 'God's gonna git ya for what you did'.)

Or maybe it is the uttermost importance placed on having children by the church and those around them in the church. Program after program dedicated to children. Children's church, Awana, Sunday School programs, MOPS groups. Or the service that every woman that struggles with infertility dreads...Mothers Day. When the majority of churches only celebrate mothers with living children. Not those with a mother's heart who wishes to conceive or are childless due to loss. 

After all "children are a blessing from The Lord". All the while one woman sits in the pew week after week praying "Lord where's my blessing?"

So this week as you attend your mid-week prayer meetings or pray through your "list" in your quiet time, please remember everyone with physical needs even if they remain unspoken. 

Weenie Wednesday

The devil has really been messing with my emotions this week and I have really been missing our little ones. David Jeremiah would be 26 months old and I'm sure keeping me very busy getting into everything. Little Hope Elyce would be 6-7 weeks old and I'm sure we would have had the changing of the guard from my mom to hubby's mom as I'm sure they both would have come to help with the new baby.
Times like this I'm thankful to have my puppies that allow me to cuddle with them, spoil them, and even dress them up. Here's some recent pictures of our adventures:

10 Things About Me-Grief Aside

Today I am linking up with Still Standing Magazine for the '10 Things About Me- Grief Aside.
The challenge focuses on the fact that though grief has changed us following the loss of our children, grief does not define us. Often in this community we know our 'loss friends' stories but we don't truly know them. We were people with lives, loves, passions, gifts, and dreams and we still are. For some of us a portion of our dreams has been stolen from us but we continue to dream.
Here is my list of 10:

1. Where were you born and where do you live? I was born in OH and currently live in VA. 

2. What is your favourite food? Ice Cream

3. What are you reading right now? Dream Big by Terri Savelle Foy

4. What is your favorite color? Pink

5. Sweet or Savoury? Sweet

6. Most amazing day of your life? My wedding day

7. What are you passionate about? Perinatal hospice

8. Hobbies? Playing piano, crafts, baking, and my dogs 

9. Your dream job? Being a mommy 

10. What have you been procrastinating on? Nursing CEUs 

Patience

Recently I have been doing word studies in my personal Bible study. I choose a word, then using the concordance in the back of my Bible I look up each reference listed for that word. I make sure to read the verses surrounding the one containing the word to gain context, as well as look up the cross reference verses, to make sure that I am applying the verse correctly. So far I have studied hope, waiting, and patience. While studying the word patience I was surprised at how it is used in the Bible and it's meaning. 

I had always pictured patience as being very passive. Remember when you were little and you wanted to do something and you were squirming just waiting to do what you wanted to do? And your mom would tell you to "be still, be quiet, and be patient." Well by it's very definition patience is very active and painful. Surprised? I was. 

Patience is defined as: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay; the quality of being patient as the bearing of pain. Many of the verses in the Bible that mention patience the word is used as a synonym for endurance or perseverance eg. Heb. 10:36, Heb. 12:1, James 5:11, Rom. 5:3. 

Endurance is defined as: the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way. Perseverance is similar in its definition. 

I used to think that if we felt pain during a time of being patient somehow we weren't truly being patient. We hadn't given our desires over to God or we would not be feeling this internal struggle. As it says in Romans 5:3, "we glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation worketh patience." As well as James 1:2-3, "...count it all joy when ye fall into [various trials]: Knowing this that [they] [produce] patience." But endurance and perseverance are by their very definition painful. These verses aren't calling us to live in a bubble of denial that what we are experiencing while being patient isn't painful, but rather to rejoice through the pain. 

Whether you are waiting to conceive, waiting for an adoption to become final, waiting for your mate, or the perfect job. Waiting takes perserverence and it hurts. I think my favorite definition that I found during this study is a definition of patiently: bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, or annoyance, with calmness. The only way we will find that calmness through the pain and difficulty is with God's help. 

Psalm 37:7 "Rest in The Lord and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself..."

Both Abraham and David are examples of patience while waiting for God's promises to them to be fulfilled.  Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for The Lord and He inclined unto me and heard my cry." Hebrews 6:15 "And so after he had patiently endured he obtained the promise." Remember God loves us just as much as He did Abraham and David and He is the same today as He was thousands of years ago when they were living. He will fulfill His promises to His children we must only be patient. 

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/pictoquotes/13614698143/">symphony of love</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/">cc</a>

A week of milestones...

Milestone: a significant event or stage in the life of a person.

This week holds several milestones for me...

Today marks my 27th birthday...I feel old saying that but inside I feel young like I'm still 18!! I have decided to take an emotional break from all things babies, and baby making this summer. As much as I long to have kids, God has not seen fit for that to happen yet, so since I'm still in my 20's I might as well have a good time while I don't have that extra responsibility!

Tomorrow would have been my due date with Hope Elyce. 

This week we would have been celebrating David Jeremiah's 2nd birthday.

As I start a new year of life my focus is going to be on enjoying what I have now. Will I continue to look back and remember? Of course. I will never forget my two babies, but I am going to consciously focus on and be grateful for what God has given me here and now.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/alibree/244728678/">alibree</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>